Hamish Coleman-Ross and Kyle MacDonald talk with guest Pauline Stockhausen about her experience of sexual abuse as a child, her recovery and the ways she has come to terms with her experiences as an adult.
No one ever wants to admit that they were sexually abused as a child. Certainly not me. I kept it a secret for decades and while my immediate family and a few very close friends knew, it wasn’t something i felt comfortable sharing.
I have struggled with whether or not this was something i would share. Which is hard considering i share so much of my life online. This was something i was ashamed of. Something that i felt would change people’s perception of me. I didn’t want to be known as being damaged.
For years i wore that. The girl that was abused, broken and a victim.
Of course, I don’t think like that anymore. I am no longer broken. I am now the women who was abused as a child but it doesn’t define who i am today. It carries no weight. That is why i felt it was ok to tell my story.
Abuse shatters your soul into thousands of pieces. Your world becomes foreign to you and you look in the mirror and realise you don’t know who you are. It takes years of learning to find you! Years of trusting yourself and years of challenges.
Abuse brings with it Depression. Something i have learnt that i will never be free from. However i have learnt to know my triggers, i have learnt to look after me to make sure that i dont slip into the darkness. I have accepted that this is who i am and i have embraced that.
I am proud of my life and i wouldn’t change a thing. While the journey has been as long and torturous as a “Hobbit Movie” It has been mine to endure and overcome.
I hope my story gives you light at the end of your tunnel. Empowers you to move forward.