Your eyes flutter open and your brain engages and instantly the first thoughts are of those things you haven’t done. You didn’t get the gym yet again, you didn’t stick to the ridiculous diet you set yourself, you once again had more wine than you wanted.
You roll over and feel the heaviness of your body. Another disappointment and if you weighed yourself (Again) it will once again tell you what you already know.
You are Fat. And every thought you will have that day will be about how much space you take up in the World.
That was the old me.
I was so apologetic for my size. I was embarrassed and I was ashamed. I felt that every day I had to prove that I was worth more than my weight.
If only people could look past my largeness and see who I really was. I am more than my body.
These days my eyes flutter open and my first thoughts are about the great things i will be achieving that day.
Those scales got biffed out and I no longer think about my size. I am no longer apologetic about the amount of space i take up… Cause the World is big enough for me.
I honour my body every morning. She may be the largest tool in the shed, but she is strong and she has never let me down. Every goal I have set my body has helped me achieve it.
Large does not mean lazy.
Each week I push my limits – Weight training has become one of my favourite pastimes because i can see my strength. Each week i can push to do more reps or add more weight to the bar.
I don’t need to compete against anyone else, because i can compete against myself.
I used to put so much thought into what I couldn’t do..
Many things changed, small little things that helped me move my thought process to a more forgiving nature.
The first thing that set me on this path was the delivery of my Active Curves. I used to chuck on anything when I went to the gym ( which was seldom) but putting on clothes you feel amazing in, changes everything. I look awesome in them and they are incredibly comfortable.
I became comfortable in them and that makes a huge difference when you are changing your thoughts.
I then made a conscious effort to stop hating my body. I started to give it credit for all the things it did do. I started doing small things because I wanted to do them. I walked the beach with friends.
It became about relationships and not about weight. Walking the beach with friends was about movement and conversations. With my fitness levels increased I then moved towards more challenging things. Longer walks.
I structured everything around my relationships. I found a gym buddy and walking buddies and slowly increased my exercise.
After a month I had grown in confidence and I even started going to the gym or walking the beach alone. I finally felt comfortable doing it alone.
My thought patterns changed. I was more positive and the began to love those achy muscle pains. Those pains made me feel great. It was my body telling me it had been worked.
I started to push myself more. Month three and not one thought about how big I was. I didnt feel the urge to weigh in and I wasn’t apologetic for my size. My strength grew and i started to feel pride in my small achievements.
I set harder goals. Climbing a mountain. Taking my time and my focus was about sitting at the top in awe of the view. It then slowly turned into how much faster i could do it. Each month i do the mountain climb to test my ability.
I do it alone.
I have built a community of people around me who I spent time with. I have gotten to know the guys at the gym. Men who I hated to exercise in front of. I don’t care about that any more. I just go do my thing.
I then set a crazy goal – To so a Full Marathon – 42 km in Dec 2019 in Hawaii.
Now I have gained some good routines. I started to enter small walks, 5km and then just recently I did a 12km. (My fastest time).
My routine isn’t set. I haven’t locked it in. It is fluid but I know each week I should move my body 6 times. I have no diet. I eat healthy and strive to eat all fresh produce but if i want cake i eat cake. I haven’t restricted myself.
I am at peace with myself. I honour what my body can achieve while striving to push it more.
Next goal is another 12km – Beating my last time… 🙂