All or Nothing

I am an all-or-nothing woman

I have been like that since I made the decision to take my life into my own hands when I was 24 years old.

Up to the age of 21, I struggled with life. I just couldn't do anything right and my own being was etched in failure. I failed at everything and my worth, well I believed I had no worth.

It got worse because at 21 I found out I was pregnant.

Being pregnant saved me. Because for the first time in my life, I had to look outside of myself and think about someone else. My child.

I knew mentally I needed help. I needed to understand why I was how I was and how I can change it. I blamed the world for my downfalls and everything was everyone else's fault.

With the help from a counselor, i was able to understand more about why I thought like I did and learn strategies to help me change my thought patterns. I learned about what triggered me and I taught myself how to recognise the signs I was moving into a dark place.

I had to learn to trust myself. Rely on my abilities. This took time but slowly I began to achieve small wins and those wins became addicted! I had a new addiction and it was achieving goals.

That's how I then started to design my own life. I stopped waiting for someone to save me and I saved myself!

I proved to myself that in everything I put my attention to, I was successful. Now not everything went to plan but the bumps in the road meant I needed to pivot slightly and my end outcomes were always better than I could ever imagine.

Designing your life and working towards your goals makes your life better. You achieve things. The work is hard but you are working towards something - Me I want to build a legacy, a foundation for my children. More now than ever.

It drives me. The goal is to build a house in Tonga and then next to build a house on a lifestyle block for the rest of our days. Time is running out. We are old - 10 years behind everyone else.

So I have to be All is Nothing these days! I only have a little time to build a stronger foundation for my kids. Joe with losing his eyesight and Mabel being so young. The clock is ticking down fast.