I have had many things happen to me over the years but nothing has been as painful as learning that my son will lose his sight.
This is something i cannot fix. Something that isn’t fixable.
The sleepless nights i have had. The many million of tears i have shed. The research i have done and no amount of being positive will change the outcome.
He is going blind. I feel like i am trying to climb a waterfall, i crawl myself up only to come crashing down to the bottom again. No mater how hard i hold on the water smashes into me.
I have no control and i feel so utterly powerless.
Its a hard diagnosis to accept. But accept i must because nothing is going to change, not anytime soon.
There is no cure. While there are trials overseas, there isn’t anything in the pipe line of yet. So the only thing we can do is accept and adapt.
Adapting seems to be what i am good at. I have had to adapt to so many things – My motto these days is “It is, what it is!”
I miles well just suck it up and adapt because thats all we can do.
I sit here in a cafe and over the way i see him with his trainer. He is learning how to use his cane. its a hard pill to swallow. To see him stumble on a lip in the street. Already he cannot see fine details.
Its a hard pill to swallow because i brought him up to be independent. He may only be 18 years old but he is such an old soul. The hardest pill for him to swallow is i brought him up to be independent and the realisation that he will always need to be dependant on someone.
Such a cruel joke!
But we adapt. We laugh, we cry and we laugh some more.
I sit here and my throat closes as the tears well up. I know i have to be strong for him. I know it isn’t the end of the World.
Its just a different World from what i imagined.