I got REAL

I don’t know what is going on but I think things are getting a little weird. I have been having a lot of ‘woohoo’ moments.  Maybe it is age? We get to a certain age and we wake up – Or maybe it is just me.

On my quest of health and fitness a few things have been coming up for me.   One is I realise that I have been asleep for a very long time.

I thought I was self aware but I have realised the one place I have refused to be self aware has been with my body. It is like my brain and body have been unattached.

I have fought this concept of weight for so many years. Yes I was big but I refused to let it become an issue.  It didn’t define me.  I wouldn’t let it define me.

I wanted to not care about my size and pretty much 90% of the time that worked.  Oh but how things have changed.

Because now I CARE.  Years of putting everyone one else first,  years of not having feelings about my weight. Years of not caring enough about me.

I just didn’t put myself first. I didn’t make ME a priority. I was stubborn and I refused to limit myself. I just wanted to eat what I wanted to eat.  If  it was suggested to me Not to eat something I would make sure I had it!

I treated myself terribly.

The truth is Im fat. I am not big boned.  ( Its fat people)

Now I care and I care a lot.

I made a pact at the beginning of the year to put me first. Put health first beyond everything else. I am 25 kilos lighter and im incredibly frustrated.

Im angry at myself for being asleep for so long. Im frustrated to hell because while I have lost a significant amount of weight it still is so far from where I need it to be.  I have a lot to go.  A LOT.

I see pictures of myself and I can see no change. It feels like I am trudging up a hill and no matter how much effort I put in I never reach to the top.

This ‘shit’ aint easy.   When they say it is a lot of sweat and tears they bloody mean it. A lot of sweat! And the tears … im telling you they come, whether you want them or not.

However, I am proud of myself. Suddenly I am connected to me. I don’t remember ever having this connection before.

Its like my brain and my body are suddenly connected.  I have changed everything that goes into my body.  I used to tell people I ate pretty healthy.  There is no pretty healthy.  You need to get serious in what you put in your mouth. I mean if you are cutting out sugar – you need to CUT it all out.  It cant be half arsed. You have to be strong.  Trust me I was hooked on Sugar. I was a Whitakers king size bar a week girl…. Stressed week – id have two.

My treats became daily. It was normal.

I ate pretty healthy aye…. I was asleep,  I was in denial.

There is no secret to loosing weight. The trick is you deciding to put yourself first.  Treat your body like a prize possession – feed it healthy food,  lots of water and your body needs to move constantly.   To lose weight it is as simple as making sure your calories out are more than your calories in.

 

 

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